Thursday, 28 August 2008

I have a dream.....


What a strange thing!

Some pple believe in them but some don't. Some even scoff at the thot of others having dreams,but can they truthfully say that they they haven't had a single dream in their life? Unless that person is a day old of cos, then they can say so.

Some pple believe that dreams happen when ur subconciousness take over,most of the time when u r slping. The dreams r images of ur innermost thots,some that u nvr thot u had. Others believe that a certain dream that u had cld bcos that person is thinking of u. Still there r some that believe that dreams r the opposite of reality. That one i acccept bcos that is no argument 2 b made. But i think the 1st theory is more applicable. I dare say that i have dreamt of a lot of "stars", sports and tv personalities. Does that means they are thinking of me? i dun think so.:)

However the dreams i have been having these past 2-3 wks have led me
to believe that some claims made by pple in the papers may be more true than false.

Like a few days ago when tnp(The New Paper) reported that in parts of malaysia, residents(usually the older ones) claim that they found pure gold. 1 of them even claimed 2 have dreamed of that location, and i believe him.

Recently i have had dreams of scenes that would make a good script on a tv show.Masked Rider Ryuki anyone? Or a drama? The scenario? I dreamt of a family. The father was a hourly paid worker while the mother stayed by her son's side. The son was heavily sick. Always in hospital. One day after he(the father) visited his son,the minute he stepped out of the ward,he slumped to the floor and started crying bcos he knew that money had run dry paying 4 the hospital bills.

He remembered always quarreling wif his wife bcos there was no money and he felt that she shld go get a job and also felt that she was focusing on their son 2 much. The mother on the other hand felt that putting her's son welfare was much more impt than any other thing.

The dreams aside, I have always thot that as the points of others abt dreams are valid(not 2 say that i believe all of it) I wld like 2 add a few of my own.

I 4 1 believe that ur environment and what u do daily also affects what u dream abt at nite.

One example, Power Rangers was(and still is) one of my fav shows of all time. I used to watch and rewatch n rewatch and rewind the vcds i had nonstop(up to a point my family got irritated) and then at nite i wld dream that i was one of them. bcos i cldnt stop thinking abt them.

Up to now, almost daily i wld hum the MMPR theme silently(even now as im typing this,can u believe that im thinking abt MMPR now?)

It's nearly 1am now and im off 2 bed. Sayonara, oyasumi( gd nite)

Maybe I will have dreams again 2nite, but that's another story

Til then gd bye and gdnite

Sunday, 24 August 2008

Control. and my way of management.

This week everything at work was as per normal but then the flashbacks i had last mth came back again. Yesterday I had it so hard that I had such a bad headache all way thru the nite til abt 3 am when i slept.

Sometimes I ask myself y im having this flashbacks but then there's isnt really anything to think abt at all. My way to handle headaches is very unconventional. Playing video games to distract myself frm pain is my way,same with the dizzy spells that im having.

When I tell pple how i feel then obviously its hard to believe. its the same when i told boss(kh) that i could tell whether he was sick by looking at his hair. I know that having these are a knack not a gift. Just like telling the weather. Thats y this sucks! Sometimes its laziness but sometime even I cant tell the diff myself. Also yesterday I was going on 1 on my tirades again. When I look back, at least it was 4 amusement. I know sometimes this think isnt christianlike but today I was wondering(again) y I wasnt going thru 1 of my screaming and swearing moments. Ever since I went to secondary school, i was exposed to the world of cussing and swearing and 4 a while I did cuss and swear think it was right. 1 of my worst moments was when i spewed a vulgarity in front of my nephew 5 years ago when he was juz 7.

When I ask pple 4 advice on how 2 relive stress and pressure,most of the time its to scream out as loud as possible to release all of it but when i try to do it in my "normal" non agitated state,I cant seem to bring the power out but when I was quarreling with my mum a while back then its juz came out then I started screaming til I had no more energy. That's y im surprised abt how much im able to control myself now compared to last time and sometimes I even ask myself whether i shld control.

Another qn i've been asking myself is when I look at pple at say"have u gone nuts?" I ask myself whether im actually the 1 losing it.

Saturday, 16 August 2008

week(11-15 Aug) recap

11,12 Aug

These 2 days was as per normal at work except i was having splitting headaches and dizzy spells
and also having funny dreams at night(tv commercial abt saving water bcos singapore was running out,A big dog and the modern day prodigal son) Go figure.

13-14 Aug

These 2 days I took off. splitting headaches and dizzy spells still lingered. but at least no more funny dreams.

15 Aug

Went back 2 work 2day. Finally managed to finish my vlookup assignments after figuring out the "trick". 2day 2 new trialists came in 4 assessments bring the number of trialist 2 3 in the week.
Went 4 jpl prayer meeting at 7 n no regrets going there altho i was stoning 4 most of the time.

I think the turning point(wake up call) 4 me was when suddenly there was a blackout. at 1st i thot it was intentional bcos at that time ps jenn was talkin abt being "lights" in the darkness but she believed otherwise. Also I found out 2 weeks ago that there was also a blackout when the biblical studies program class was in progress,so whether the blackout was an accident or was God involved is still a mystery.

Sunday, 10 August 2008

When do we not fear God?

Saturday 9 August(National Day)

Today I woke up at half past 1(1.30pm for those who prefer numbers).
At 2.45 I left hm with family for church. Hit church arnd 3.05.

Chris was there doing guitar despite his broken shoulder. Talk abt dedication. Worship was a lil extended 2day. But in my view, time doesn't matter when u r in sync with God. cell session was a recap on the 5Es session we did last week. Early on,there was a brainstorming sessionon how 2 improve on our last E,which was Evangalism. there were a total of 11 points for improvement that we managed to find after which we had 2 compact it to 5 points which were as follows:
1.Willingly follow God
2.To know God intimately
4.Die to self
5.The Great Commission

Apart from the last point,i think the other r easily understood.

Moving on...

Last part of cell was to reflect on the times when we dont fear God and it was harder 2 do than I thot. But I managed to scrape two out of which one i will elaborate on.
I realized that I dont fear God when I tell white("good") lies.
I know that the bracketed words look ridiculous but its true.

I believed that if u lie without causing any trouble then it wld b fine and that those lies would be considered "good" and I know that its a mentality I will have to change.

Sometimes when I want 2 dodge a topic or dun wanna drag it on,then I will unconciously lie,and that is despite the fact that a lot of pple have told me that im very honest with what i say.(I think what they really mean is that im very open-minded)

I was also very hesitant when we went onto the topic of accountability bcos in my case I believed (and still do) that there r some things u need 2 handle alone.

Friday, 8 August 2008

recap(4-8 aug) part 2

part 2 of my recap

Due to tuesday's incident I decided that i wld take another day off. nothing much to say except that i was really slack on that day.


Today I went to see the new doc at sgh,and it turned out to be one of my shortest 1st visits ever to a doc.

A sample of what we talked about:

Doc: So Ivan,any fits since discharge?
*(I was admitted for fits on the 29th of june and discharged a few days later)

Me: no.

D:any fits in july?


D:Good,then let stick to what u have been taking


And then he prescribed FOUR month's worth of medication. Was really surprised bcos usually my docs' visits are once a mth. Anyway after taking lunch and medicine from the pharmacy and then seeing the social worker,my mum and I left the hosp.

On the way hm I wasnt feeling 2 well but managed to get there anyway:)

My dad and mum then went for her pre-birthday dinner hosted by the cell( btw,parents' cell not mine)

I wasnt shortchanged either on what i was going to eat as i would soon find out when Jie came back abt 8-9. She had bought a box of sushi!(8pcs for 3.50) yoz! usually I dun eat sushi so often(I had mine last abt a week ago)but I took a share anyway,half of the box! no kidding.The cheapest and the best sushi I've ever eaten in my life!(well at least till my next one anyway haha.)

The end

Pls leave a comment of some sort.(pls comment on my older posts while u r at it)

I know this seems 2 be a very boring blog but I want 2 know how pple view my life.

Many thanks to those who have read it and also to those who will.


recap(4-8 aug) part 1

When I read my blog over i realized that i had gone over double figs oredi and its only august

Record-breaker man!

So another recap coming up


I went to work as per norm so not much to say really... except I was told again that i shld work faster


Took a day off bcos i was a lil down over my supp's comments abt my workrate. went arnd the net and msn 4 advice on how 2 improve in that aspect.
After awhile i lost interest so i decided to slack. At abt 8 i left for ry's pl 4 seah's birthday(kh said no dress code so instead i chose by colour,went all black.)

Didnt feel like eating when i reached there but ate some anyway. chatted abit with the cell(whole phileo was there wif exception of a few) and had some photos taken.

Towards the end I chatted with a few others and got 2 know a few more pple by name and some by face.

Arnd 10 after talking some more I started not to feel so well,unfortunately that was also when ronald decided to pop the balloons:( So it aggravated my condition a lil and i started feeling a fit coming on but thanks to prayer from ryan and the rest arnd and a lil(juz a lil) faith,once again it came it left immediately without manifesting(apart from some minor vibrations). Thank God. Nevertheless Ronald was very apologetic for his actions but I have since(and still will if needed)
reassured him that it wasnt his fault it happened.

Part 1 end.

Monday, 4 August 2008

Recap Part 3-2


this started a long discussion that lasted til abt the time cell ended, abt half hr.

However when cell ended I started having fear again(the fear came after the fit left,but didnt affect me so much)so I had to have benny and kh help me to church.After that they went for service while I went back to the car for a rest. I was encouraged to go back since I kept saying that I wasnt feeling well and sensitivity lvls were pretty high. But anyway I chose to rest in the veh and aft a while i went in 4 the remainder of svc since i was feeling a lil btr.

I didnt really focus on anything said during svc except the funny parts like the bike demo. If ps Jen could really "juz fall down and go to the hospital",i wld sure love to c that. I left svc immediately after it was over and went home.

I have decided not to recap sunday,so this is it.

The End


Note: for those pple who hate reading pls read 3-1 b4 u read this.

Recap Part 3-1

Saturday 2 August

I woke at lunchtime today after some pushing(literally) by my mum to get up. It's the wkend man. Let me slp!

Anyway so then i went to church arnd 2 plus. Ben Yuan was a visiting member 2day. Was surprised to see him there. we had some gd input frm him. Halfway thru worship,suddenly I felt a seizure coming. But thank God! It came n left b4 it cld manifest. A day to remember! Bcos this was only the second time it left wifout doing anything and unlike the 1st time it happened,this time i didnt even do anything(was juz on the ground resting). Cell was very helpful. They(grace continued playing the guitar,tho im sure she was praying in a way.) prayed and continued praying til i picked myself up. I was juz laughing and cldnt stop bcos i knew that something extraordinary had juz happened. God took control and it left. awhile later KH asked me whether i wanted a pillow bcos i told him i was tired. God provides,doesnt he? KH came back with not a pillow but something more like a BED. Talk abt Jehovah Jireh and this is the perfect example bcos i was overprovided with something which i didnt think i wld need but still had.
Soon after we did a "purpose of a cell" activity. I didnt write anything unlike the rest but I did some mouthwork. (yes I juz talked my way thru the whole thing,haha) anyway it turned out that our cell found out that Evangelism was the last thing that we were doing or even thinking of doing. Even Benny thot so based on his impressions.

Recap Part 2

Thursday 31th July

Today I went to work,but its not that simple bcos i knew if i didnt go today i probably wouldnt go the next day. I went, but did next to nth with the 2 hrs ispent at work,except after some fiddling arnd i managed to finish exercise 2 on vlookup. Up to now i still dunno how i did it.haha:)

at abt 4-5 plus i left office bcos again i wasnt feeling too well. Usually i stay overtime to slack in the a/c rm and spend time in front of the com there.

Friday 1 August

I didnt go to work 2day even tho i was well. Y? bcos i felt that my head needed some clearing up and i needed some time by myself. I also picked up my bible for the 1st time in like 2 yrs and started reading juz starting with Genesis,no particular reference.

Mr Yeo's bdae is 2day. Happy Birthday Dennis!

Recap Part 1

Today i will blog diff. instead of juz throwing in my feelings and thots,i will do a recap of the week started 28 July in 2 parts starting with Monday-Wednesday,then Thursday and Friday n then the weekend will be part 3.

So 28th July Monday.

today i went to work as per normal,but felt sick towards the end

I took a break these 2 days bcos of issues in the mind. Read my "Memories"entry to know more.

Nothing much happened these 2 days except i was struggling with memories flowing back over n over.