Control. and my way of management.

This week everything at work was as per normal but then the flashbacks i had last mth came back again. Yesterday I had it so hard that I had such a bad headache all way thru the nite til abt 3 am when i slept.

Sometimes I ask myself y im having this flashbacks but then there's isnt really anything to think abt at all. My way to handle headaches is very unconventional. Playing video games to distract myself frm pain is my way,same with the dizzy spells that im having.

When I tell pple how i feel then obviously its hard to believe. its the same when i told boss(kh) that i could tell whether he was sick by looking at his hair. I know that having these are a knack not a gift. Just like telling the weather. Thats y this sucks! Sometimes its laziness but sometime even I cant tell the diff myself. Also yesterday I was going on 1 on my tirades again. When I look back, at least it was 4 amusement. I know sometimes this think isnt christianlike but today I was wondering(again) y I wasnt going thru 1 of my screaming and swearing moments. Ever since I went to secondary school, i was exposed to the world of cussing and swearing and 4 a while I did cuss and swear think it was right. 1 of my worst moments was when i spewed a vulgarity in front of my nephew 5 years ago when he was juz 7.

When I ask pple 4 advice on how 2 relive stress and pressure,most of the time its to scream out as loud as possible to release all of it but when i try to do it in my "normal" non agitated state,I cant seem to bring the power out but when I was quarreling with my mum a while back then its juz came out then I started screaming til I had no more energy. That's y im surprised abt how much im able to control myself now compared to last time and sometimes I even ask myself whether i shld control.

Another qn i've been asking myself is when I look at pple at say"have u gone nuts?" I ask myself whether im actually the 1 losing it.