This week everything at work was as per normal but then the flashbacks i had last mth came back again. Yesterday I had it so hard that I had such a bad headache all way thru the nite til abt 3 am when i slept.
Sometimes I ask myself y im having this flashbacks but then there's isnt really anything to think abt at all. My way to handle headaches is very unconventional. Playing video games to distract myself frm pain is my way,same with the dizzy spells that im having.
When I tell pple how i feel then obviously its hard to believe. its the same when i told boss(kh) that i could tell whether he was sick by looking at his hair. I know that having these are a knack not a gift. Just like telling the weather. Thats y this sucks! Sometimes its laziness but sometime even I cant tell the diff myself. Also yesterday I was going on 1 on my tirades again. When I look back, at least it was 4 amusement. I know sometimes this think isnt christianlike but today I was wondering(again) y I wasnt going thru 1 of my screaming and swearing moments. Ever since I went to secondary school, i was exposed to the world of cussing and swearing and 4 a while I did cuss and swear think it was right. 1 of my worst moments was when i spewed a vulgarity in front of my nephew 5 years ago when he was juz 7.
When I ask pple 4 advice on how 2 relive stress and pressure,most of the time its to scream out as loud as possible to release all of it but when i try to do it in my "normal" non agitated state,I cant seem to bring the power out but when I was quarreling with my mum a while back then its juz came out then I started screaming til I had no more energy. That's y im surprised abt how much im able to control myself now compared to last time and sometimes I even ask myself whether i shld control.
Another qn i've been asking myself is when I look at pple at say"have u gone nuts?" I ask myself whether im actually the 1 losing it.
Sunday, 24 August 2008
Saturday, 16 August 2008
week(11-15 Aug) recap
11,12 Aug
These 2 days was as per normal at work except i was having splitting headaches and dizzy spells
and also having funny dreams at night(tv commercial abt saving water bcos singapore was running out,A big dog and the modern day prodigal son) Go figure.
13-14 Aug
These 2 days I took off. splitting headaches and dizzy spells still lingered. but at least no more funny dreams.
15 Aug
Went back 2 work 2day. Finally managed to finish my vlookup assignments after figuring out the "trick". 2day 2 new trialists came in 4 assessments bring the number of trialist 2 3 in the week.
Went 4 jpl prayer meeting at 7 n no regrets going there altho i was stoning 4 most of the time.
I think the turning point(wake up call) 4 me was when suddenly there was a blackout. at 1st i thot it was intentional bcos at that time ps jenn was talkin abt being "lights" in the darkness but she believed otherwise. Also I found out 2 weeks ago that there was also a blackout when the biblical studies program class was in progress,so whether the blackout was an accident or was God involved is still a mystery.
These 2 days was as per normal at work except i was having splitting headaches and dizzy spells
and also having funny dreams at night(tv commercial abt saving water bcos singapore was running out,A big dog and the modern day prodigal son) Go figure.
13-14 Aug
These 2 days I took off. splitting headaches and dizzy spells still lingered. but at least no more funny dreams.
15 Aug
Went back 2 work 2day. Finally managed to finish my vlookup assignments after figuring out the "trick". 2day 2 new trialists came in 4 assessments bring the number of trialist 2 3 in the week.
Went 4 jpl prayer meeting at 7 n no regrets going there altho i was stoning 4 most of the time.
I think the turning point(wake up call) 4 me was when suddenly there was a blackout. at 1st i thot it was intentional bcos at that time ps jenn was talkin abt being "lights" in the darkness but she believed otherwise. Also I found out 2 weeks ago that there was also a blackout when the biblical studies program class was in progress,so whether the blackout was an accident or was God involved is still a mystery.
Sunday, 10 August 2008
When do we not fear God?
Saturday 9 August(National Day)
Today I woke up at half past 1(1.30pm for those who prefer numbers).
At 2.45 I left hm with family for church. Hit church arnd 3.05.
Chris was there doing guitar despite his broken shoulder. Talk abt dedication. Worship was a lil extended 2day. But in my view, time doesn't matter when u r in sync with God. cell session was a recap on the 5Es session we did last week. Early on,there was a brainstorming sessionon how 2 improve on our last E,which was Evangalism. there were a total of 11 points for improvement that we managed to find after which we had 2 compact it to 5 points which were as follows:
1.Willingly follow God
2.To know God intimately
3.LOVE GOD
4.Die to self
5.The Great Commission
Apart from the last point,i think the other r easily understood.
Moving on...
Last part of cell was to reflect on the times when we dont fear God and it was harder 2 do than I thot. But I managed to scrape two out of which one i will elaborate on.
I realized that I dont fear God when I tell white("good") lies.
I know that the bracketed words look ridiculous but its true.
I believed that if u lie without causing any trouble then it wld b fine and that those lies would be considered "good" and I know that its a mentality I will have to change.
Sometimes when I want 2 dodge a topic or dun wanna drag it on,then I will unconciously lie,and that is despite the fact that a lot of pple have told me that im very honest with what i say.(I think what they really mean is that im very open-minded)
I was also very hesitant when we went onto the topic of accountability bcos in my case I believed (and still do) that there r some things u need 2 handle alone.
Today I woke up at half past 1(1.30pm for those who prefer numbers).
At 2.45 I left hm with family for church. Hit church arnd 3.05.
Chris was there doing guitar despite his broken shoulder. Talk abt dedication. Worship was a lil extended 2day. But in my view, time doesn't matter when u r in sync with God. cell session was a recap on the 5Es session we did last week. Early on,there was a brainstorming sessionon how 2 improve on our last E,which was Evangalism. there were a total of 11 points for improvement that we managed to find after which we had 2 compact it to 5 points which were as follows:
1.Willingly follow God
2.To know God intimately
3.LOVE GOD
4.Die to self
5.The Great Commission
Apart from the last point,i think the other r easily understood.
Moving on...
Last part of cell was to reflect on the times when we dont fear God and it was harder 2 do than I thot. But I managed to scrape two out of which one i will elaborate on.
I realized that I dont fear God when I tell white("good") lies.
I know that the bracketed words look ridiculous but its true.
I believed that if u lie without causing any trouble then it wld b fine and that those lies would be considered "good" and I know that its a mentality I will have to change.
Sometimes when I want 2 dodge a topic or dun wanna drag it on,then I will unconciously lie,and that is despite the fact that a lot of pple have told me that im very honest with what i say.(I think what they really mean is that im very open-minded)
I was also very hesitant when we went onto the topic of accountability bcos in my case I believed (and still do) that there r some things u need 2 handle alone.
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