Growing up

I haven't blogged for awhile and decided to do so after encountering a few obstacles in my life recently

From my family's point of view, having a job(right, everyone would think this way) having a family(WTH!) and having the responsibility to take care of your parents(fair enough) is proof that a person has grown up,

Maybe I hit 21 too soon, b'cos I haven't gone anywhere to be able to do any of that. it's better to be 10 years younger yeah? but time never reverses....

After all this while I have sill not been able to cope with living in this world as everyone else does, and what i mean by that is to, be able to do the above,but before that, taking care of individual basic needs.

Having these, which probably only 0.1% at most that the world's population has. doesnt help:
1.Photoaugliaphobia- Fear of glaring lights.
2.Photophobia- Fear of light.
3.Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.
4.Ligyrophobia- Fear of loud noises
5.Acousticophobia- Fear of noise


The last one mentioned seems to be my main phobia(loud or soft irregardless) When it first happened, i started wearing earplugs(eventually 24/7) from 2005-2007, but somehow after Joan Hunter's( amazing thing is i didnt even go for prayer that day) service on the 30 January 2007 I just knew , wearing EPs just wouldn't work. so I've been off earplugs since(still once in awhile if it gets too loud though,so it isnt exactly out of my system:(


What's worse, 3,4 and 5 came together, but 1 and 2 only after I took off the EPs. Up to now, it doesn't make sense why this would happen, but it has.


Being in this pile of cr** makes it real hard even 4 years down to explain my actions(or non actions) sometimes.


It's good to let it all out. I think I'm done for now.....


PS: Issac has left the building, but Ivan still remains, dunno why, but i just thought the switch back seemed more appropriate.

messed up!

I'm giving up! on practically everything! education is over! almost everything is! How recognized are qualifications if i don't have an O level full cert? Where can I go without one? You know you are wrong when everyone agrees on something that you don't. but the question is, do people think its so easy to change? easy to overcome? I would be super happy if everything was able to do with a snap of my fingers. I still cant get over my body,visual and audio hypersensitivity which everyone says its because i cant control my emotions. know what? I'm very in control of my emotions yet i still cant overcome my problem, lame!

And now because I have an intercom in my room, I cant make an audible sound as long as people are around if not the intercom will make my dad panic...

not planing for future? dunno how to look ahead? better learn to care for yourself first before caring for others. don't make people worry for you, supposed to be older take care of the younger not the other way around.

These sentences or in similar form have been said to many many times..

You think its easy for me huh? its true that everyone has his own problems,im no exception+i have an issue probably only 1 percent of the world's population has,correction, below one percent. people who know me will know what it is. who doesn't and wants to know can just come and ask me.

whatever!.....

this week

So it happened, i went down to meridian JC on friday and got a run out, had a single touch of the ball and that was it. Until the interview came, then that was a whole different story, I spent the whole day on the sidelines bar the last few minutes of the 11 a side game. Now i'm"famous" but some people don't realize how hard it is to cope with when u are in that position, the added pressure to perform after all that publicity. Nevertheless, I would like to thank the coaches and panel for giving me a chance to play. Hats off to Fandi,Aide and Nasri for the opportunity and Coach Zai for the interview opportunity as well, And to Dillenjit(sorry if i got your name wrong) for the well written article, learning opportunities for both of us. And the SDSC soccer guys( i wouldn't have a team to play for without you guys).

Onward to the next tryout!

Regards

Ivan

PS: It's page 44 of 19 September's The New Paper(Singapore) for anyone who wants to see me at my "best" lol.:D

my thoughts

soon after my latest blog entry came out, an article about Dr, William Tan and his"girlfriend" came out. Last night at dinner I had my dad tell me that if someone is nice to me it doesnt mean she fancies me. I go "WTH". so i found out my mum told my dad that Im starting to like girls. Again i go "WTH" i mean honestly, i started liking girls at 6 years of age! Also if at my age I didnt like girls, I think my parents should get worried...

Anyway, I guess what I'm going though now is frustration. I'm seriously frustrated man! Not frustrated because I felt I lost a chance with the girl, but more frustrated that I was misunderstood and lost a friend just like that.

Maybe....

Maybe: its easier
to say hello than goodbye
to say "have you eaten?" rather than"do you want to eat?
to shut up than to talk
to be asked rather than ask.
to sleep than to wake up(lazy!)
to talk rubbish than talk sense.
to say yes rather than say no.
to reject rather than accept

And the best of them all!

to die rather than to live!